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How I came to be

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JoInfo

Sat Sep 05 2009, 10:03PM

Steam Alias: [BONG] JoInfo
Class: Pyro
Posts: 481

Hello Friends!

I've been with this wonderful server since January 2009. And sadly, I've never really formally introduced myself...until now! I'm going to give you a quick run though of my life up to this point just so you can get to know me better!

Here goes.

The year is 1983. At a time when discotheques were making way for mullets, ripped clothes, and Aqua Net...I was called into this existence by forces unknown. On the 6th day of October, I began to grow too large to fit into my mother's womb. The walls collapsed behind me as I entered into this world. I was covered in foul smelling vagina juice, blood, and cheese. So the doctors had to quickly dab me with a moist towel to neutralize the odor emitting from my newly born flesh.

I was an only child brought up in a more "well off" sort of family, so I got pretty much whatever I asked for. However, I was a very withdrawn young man who secluded himself in his room to talk to myself, talk to inanimate objects, and play peek-a-boo with my little friend who lived inside of my tighty whiteys. My father burned me in the eye with a cigarette every time I acted out.

My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and my mother quickly remarried. One vivid memory of my step father was this: One day I came home from school and noticed my step father sleeping on the couch. He had nothing on but his boxer shorts. The only difference that day was that his fly on his boxer shorts was wide open. I couldn't help but take a glance. To my dismay he was packing a 3 inch long by 2 inch wide choad! I mean this guy could please a cave if he wanted to! How he made love to my mother, I do not know...but I thought this was very funny.

In my adolescence I was always the shy type. I was too caught up in getting high, and being an active viewer of various pornographies. One time, when I was 15, me and a friend at the time were getting wasted and I woke up to him giving me oral pleasure. I enjoyed the feeling, but that is as far as any homosexual tendencies have ever gone in my life. Drugs ruled.

Weed led to psychedelic "hippie" drugs, hippie drugs led to a pretty harsh crack-cocaine addiction by the time I was 18 which had me stealing from my family and fiending like a mother. My drug abuse led me all the way to the streets of southern Florida where I met this prostitute (I don't know her name) who was bilingual Spanish and English. I, without haste, had unprotected sex with her and she was gone the next morning. Luckily to this day I don't think I have anything wrong with me...My family had all but given up on me, but through the everlasting love and compassion of my family, they helped me come clean. I came home.

When I was 21 years old I met the woman who would eventually become my wife. I charmed her by spreading food in my face in public restaurants and wearing this purple sweatshirt with matching purple sweatpants. The purple sweatshirt simply had the name "Joey" ironed on to it along with a cute little rainbow. I pranced merrily through public places with that suit on....boy I miss that suit. We were married on Sept. 16 2006. She just couldn't resist.

A trailer park, one child (female), and a bunch of generic brand douche bags later, I sit here as I do now. Christmas time 2008 I had received the Orange Box game to play on my personal computer. Dozens of server bans later, (due to me bragging constantly about how I have people lining up to rub their infected lesions on my face) I stumbled on to the Bong, where some people (not all) actually thought I was funny! I was sent an invite by one, Silent Agent, to actually come and join a community!!! Wow. I had never been asked to join anything in my life.

Between bunghole talk, warnings, mutes (both mic and chat), and me talking openly about being sandwiched between two very hefty men in a restroom, I have made lots of friends along the way!

I started off my career as a body shotting, corner camping sniper. But I eventually climbed up the ladder to cheap backburner pyro whore. I'm proud of how far I've come in the Bong. My friends have helped me soar to heights I never thought I'd reach. And it is my pleasure to serve this server as long as I live. It may be the THC content of this server, but I truly have a feeling that some of you actually like me. I would die for any of you. I would slowly shove a bobby pin through the center of my eyeball for any of you.

I want this friendship between you guys and myself to last...you all mean so much to me.

That is it, friends. Now you know a bit more about me.
I'm glad we can get to know each other.
It's good to know people.
I have to go poop now.
I think I feel worms wiggling around in my intestine too.
Maybe I should go see a doctor.

Well see you when I see you,

Your Friend, JoInfo

I'll suck you off for them magical white rocks!

DiabolicalDesk

Sat Sep 05 2009, 10:17PM

Steam Alias: pimpinpen
Class: Soldier
Posts: 104

Best introduction ever.

Phily310

Sat Sep 05 2009, 10:25PM

Steam Alias: Phily310
Class: Sniper/Medic/Pyro
Posts: 109

JO IS FRIEND!!!!!

I tried to read this seriously i really tried. You got me at moist towel and then you made me laugh quite loudly at your progression from corner camping sniper to backburing pyro. The two things i despise most in that order appropriatly.

<3 jo

P.S. your poor poor wife.

TheAntiHick

Sat Sep 05 2009, 11:53PM

Steam Alias: TheAntiHick
Class: Soldier/Engineer
Posts: 1969

Oh, jo.

(yeah, that's all I have to say.)

[BONG] Coocoo for Gorny Puggs: Wow, did I finally find something to make your boner go away? xD
Scuzzlebutt: i really do wanna like, shave your ass for you...and put all the hair in a ziplock baggy to take home with me
Scuzzlebutt: make an ass hair doll
[BONG] Coocoo for Gorny Puggs: Like, a voodoo doll?
[BONG] Coocoo for Gorny Puggs: Dude that's hot
Scuzzlebutt: and yes, talking about prisoners eating scabs for meth fixes works fairly well at making me the opposite of horny

We are like caterpillars, contemplating pupation. No longer will I chew on the cabbage leaves, no longer will I spend my time moving around on the underside of the foliage. Life must be a preparation for the transition to another dimension...~Terence McKenna

CssSnake6

Sat Sep 05 2009, 11:59PM

Steam Alias: STEAM_0:1:13401261
Class: sniper
Posts: 707

jo needs his own talk show.

Noonan

Sun Sep 06 2009, 12:01AM

Steam Alias: [BONG] Noonan
Class: Medic
Posts: 419

wat is this i don't even

Steam Profile: http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198001680444

Pazuzu

Sun Sep 06 2009, 12:08AM

Steam Alias: fireblaze13
Class: Pyro
Posts: 205

g'day Jo

"Pazuzu, Lord of Fevers and Plagues, Dark Angel of the Four Winds with rotting genitals from which he howls through sharpened teeth over stricken cities…"

Little yellow birdie with a little yellow bill
Landed on my window sill
I lured him in with a piece of bread
And then I smashed his fucking head